If you follow any big-name self-help gurus, they all have what they call an INNER CIRCLE. This is a group that gets “closer” access to them and more features and training etc. Basically, you become part of the family. And if you read many books about personal development, they all talk about who you should have as part of YOUR inner circle. So who are the people you should have as part of your life that will impact who you are and what you do? 

The Three Circles

As a matter of fact, Ed Mylett’s book, The Power of One More talks about three circles. The outer circle, he calls them strangers, people you walk by on the street or see in a random store and likely will never see again. These people can influence your day by cussing you out because you pulled out in front of them or by giving you a compliment on your outfit. Still, they likely won’t have long-term impacts on your life. Then the second circle is more acquaintances.

These would be people from work you know but don’t hang out with or the barista at the local coffee shop that knows your order and that you say hi to every time you go in. These people also can impact your life, but they likely are not the person you turn to when you need a favor. Then Ed goes straight to your inner circle. Your family and closest friends are the ones that support you every day. 

Four Circles

I would argue there are four circles, because the person I turn to for a favor is not the same as the people in my inner circle. There is a big gap between the random person on the street and my closest confidants. I agree with Ed that strangers on the street can impact your day. Negative interactions are hard to blow off and affect my mood if I continue to carry around and replay that negative experience in my head.

So how do I shake it off? How do I get back to my happy-go-lucky self? I let it go and focus on something else. It’s easier said than done. And sometimes it takes me more than a day. But I have realized that if I allow those negative experiences to make a home in my heart, I don’t have room for the good stuff.

Another way I shake off negativity is to counteract it with positivity. Especially at this time of year, you can do so much to help those in need. You can volunteer somewhere, bring needed items to a woman’s shelter, or just pay for someone else’s order. Doing something for others feeds an inner need we all have. So yes, strangers would be my outer ring.   

Then level 3 is acquaintances. You may see these people at the coffee shop or the McDonalds drive-thru, but they really don’t know you. They may smile and say hi because they recognize you, but you don’t exchange numbers, and you don’t hang out. You may even exchange small talk and know a few things about them. They may ask about your kids or your dog. They can impact your mood depending on the interaction. If they are having a bad day, it can put a damper on your mood. But these people don’t help drive you toward your goals and are not part of your support system.  

Level 2 is your team: this is the level I would add. These people know things about you and may impact your life, but they aren’t the inner circle. For me, there are a lot of people who fall into this category. My boss at my 9 to 5 job. They are helping to drive me towards a work goal, but they don’t feel the same sense of responsibility to achieve the goal as I do. My co-workers fall into this category. They have my phone number, and we may text, but it is all about work and maybe why they will be out today.

It could be a running group you belong to or a book club. They may be helping you towards a goal but likely are not the ones who are calling you every day, asking about your progress. Also, many of your friend groups may fall into here, and maybe even some family. You may hang out, and you may take trips together, etc. But they likely don’t have the most intimate knowledge about your family dynamics and the goals you are trying to achieve.

Don’t get me wrong, you need this group. These are the people you may interact with the most other than your family. Their support can definitely help you keep moving and making progress toward goals if you have shared them. But likely, there isn’t the same level of trust here as with your inner circle. You are likely not sharing the most intimate details, and they are probably not holding you accountable.  

Your Inner Circle

Let’s talk about your Inner Circle. If you are like me, your inner circle isn’t big. My closest family is here. My kids, my partner, my best friend, and my accountability partners are all that are in this circle. These are the people who know my goals. They know when I am upset or overjoyed because I have achieved something. They are the ones I want to share things with because I can trust them to celebrate or cry with me. These people have to earn their spot. They need to prove they are trustworthy. They have to prove they will show up for me, and I will show up for them. These are some of the most intimate relationships that you may have.

For example, my best friend lives in California. We call each other at least once a week. And we are both very driven, and we work towards similar goals. I know I can always tell her what is going on, and she will say, “What the hell? Get off your butt and go get it done.” She is the one who keeps me honest and can call me on my bullshit when I need it, knows my goals and is asking me about my progress. She is my biggest fan. And also realize that people can flow in and out of the inner circle.

My mom is a great example of that. She has been the one to push me in the past as I was going through school but as I have grown I have looked for others who can help me grow in different ways. My mom is my biggest fan but and she is supportive, but right now I need people who are pushing me outside my comfort zone. And she is more in a nurturing space these days. Who is your biggest fan AND the person who will help you push towards your goals?

Some of you may not feel like you have an inner circle at all. What do we do then? Make one. You need to look and find people like you who are working on similar things and taking similar uncomfortable actions as you will be. And getting into the Inner Circle takes time. The people who make it to this level must be the right people.

For example, if you tell someone in your Inner Circle that you’re going back to school and getting your degree, then they should be 100% supportive. They should be your biggest cheerleader. They should be the ones holding you accountable for going to class and getting your paper done.

If these people are questioning your choices, if they are trying to get you to skip out of class so you can go hang out, if they are NOT 100% your foundation and your rock, then they no longer deserve a spot in your Inner Circle. They move to Level 2. You may love them, and you may still be friends, but they are not the person you turn to when you need someone to help keep you on your path.

The more you’re around like-minded people who are on the same path as you, pulling in the same direction, the more successful you will be. They help you elevate your game, they help you believe in yourself that you can achieve those big hairy audacious goals. So today, evaluate your inner circle. Move people out who don’t deserve to be there or maybe are like my mom and love me but don’t necessarily help push you out of your comfort zone. Go and create the group that will have you achieving your dreams.

That’s all for this one. Thanks for reading!

Much Love 

Julie