Self-motivation is something I struggle with, and my kids certainly struggle with it! One thing that I often find as a single mom is that my inner child tends to throw temper tantrums. And I had to learn early on that those are not going to work for me. Let me explain…

I Don’t Wanna!

As single parents we could look at our lives and compare them to everyone else’s. But let me tell you that comparison is the thief of joy. Why can’t my kids be X, Y, or Z like their kids, why couldn’t my spouse be like their spouse, why can’t my marriage be like their marriage. But we don’t have any idea what is going on inside those homes and we have no control over what they are doing. All we can control is ourselves.

And I find often times my brain is yelling I DON”T WANNA! I don’t wanna stay up and do another load of laundry. I don’t wanna clean the bathrooms. I don’t wanna do this work project at 9pm at night. Even right now I am sitting here working on a project and telling myself I don’t wanna do this. I’m struggling with a creative block. Everyone else is either napping or still in bed or doing something they want to do and it’s Sunday. But I work a full time job and also have LeeBella, so my days are full. Self-motivation is sometimes hard to find!

Choosing Life!

I am choosing this life.: choosing to start my business while I work full time, choosing to add to my life. So why then is my brain throwing a temper tantrum right now asking why we can’t just turn on a Hallmark movie and kick back. The question becomes why: Why are you doing it if you don’t want to? Why are you staying up after the kids go to bed to get that work project done? What is going on inside your brain that is causing the push back, the block, the lack of motivation.

Self-motivation means you have to start looking at what’s under the covers to be able to start to appreciate what you need mentally and emotionally in order to keep yourself going. What kind of self care do you need? For me, on this day, it’s that I need a break. I need a fun day to lay around with my kids and watch mindless tv for awhile and then I could come back and start again.

Slow Things Down

This reminds me of times when my kids were little and they would throw temper tantrums. Unfortunately, they couldn’t keep them on the inside back then. These were full blown melt-downs in the grocery store, where we took a break aka: a TIME OUT. After that break they could continue. As parents we gotta start to understand that it’s usually that they are tired, hungry, overwhelmed, etc. And we would love them back into a state where they could move on.

This is what I do when my teens are getting overwhelmed with people or spaces or homework. We take a minute and slow things down and take a break. This helps us come back and focus on what we need to do and why do we need to do it right now. Is homework due tomorrow? Do we want to stay here and shop even though it’s so busy? Should we cut this trip short because everyone is tired and overwhelmed? Could we come back another day?

These techniques that worked when they were babies also work when they are teens. For instance, when they don’t wanna take out the trash. Okay then, what is the consequence for them and for me? They don’t get paid till it goes out, and then I have to deal with the trash being overloaded. But that’s negative motivation when the point really should be why don’t you want to do it right now? How can we have more self-motivation?

Being the Adult

I think we forget as we get older that we still need to be checking in with them. Maybe they don’t feel motivated or they’re overwhelmed, tired, or just plain burnt out. Trying to force them to take the garbage out right now is going to lead to a less than productive conversation.

Take the time, like you used to when they were babies, and connect with what that they need from you, right now. Do they need a hug and comfort, do they need some quiet time, do they need a nap? A lot of times, I find if I can give them a little grace that they can and will get the garbage out without the fight. If I give them space, if gives them a chance to find their own self-motivation.

So what’s my point. My point is that we all have internal “I don’t wanna days,” just like when we were kids. But as we grow older it’s harder to see. So take a minute, and go to the why behind the I don’t wanna for yourself and for your kids. Sometimes self care is not high on our priority list, but man would it make a huge differences if it was at the top instead of at the bottom. Give yourself and your kids the time you need to get past your I don’t wanna.

Thats all for today. Thanks for reading.

Much love

Julie